Impressions

You ever wonder what people think of you? Truly, what was their first impression of you, how do you measure up to what they want from you, are you a hero or a disappointment? I say to myself I don’t care what people think of me, which is true to a certain extent. Those people you meet for a second, people who are in your life for a little bit everyday, no, I’m not particular about what they may think. Those people who matter though. Those friends who have stuck beside you through thick and thin, the family who raised you, those coworkers you didn’t think would become so important. Those people, those people matter. Are they disappointed with the choices you make? What do they see in you that you have never seen in yourself?

I took one of those buzzfeed quizzes, you know, what character are you from Harry Potter? Who is the Disney Prince of your dreams? One of those gems that tells you about yourself because of your favorite color and Disney princess. I never take them seriously but hey, they are fun! I received my results and laughed a little, natural born leader, knows how awesome you are, tells you how it is, reserved, likes to be alone, things like that. Okay, I agree with some, but some of those are laughable, sorry Buzzfeed, you seem a little off. People agreed though, “man Susannah, that’s accurate, that’s funny, I’m gonna do mine and see, look mine was accurate too!” Huh, I didn’t think mine was accurate. What sort of vibe do I send out? Why are other people able to pick up on things I don’t see in myself?

I look at my sisters, my beautiful, self-confident, crazy sisters. They have things put together and under control, they reek of self love and no nonsense. They surround themselves with people and fun, they are unafraid to step outside of their comfort zone and go for it! I look at my best friends, my insane, no holds-bar family I chose for myself. The girls who listen to my complaining and give me advice, even when they know I won’t take it. Those people who should’ve given up on me long ago, like many others have. Do these people see themselves differently through their eyes? Do they describe themselves differently than I would describe them?

I think people see the best in others and the worst in themselves. They smooth over what they see in others, making them out to be better then they actually are, because they love them. Yet, they can’t do that with themselves. They can’t look within and see how gorgeous they really are, because they keep trying to be more like the people they love. By all means, aspire to be more than yourself, but don’t look down on yourself to do it, and don’t put others on a pedestal so far above you. If others can see how amazing you are, you should be able to see it in yourself. Something I am personally working on. I don’t need to compare myself to others, life is tough, but I can only make it more tough when I look down and compare myself to those around me. I am me, and that should be enough. I need to work on self-love, and then maybe everything else will be make more sense.